Should You Marry A Russian Woman?

You had to have been living in a Ted Kazinski type hut in the Montana wilderness, without access to television, the Internet, or magazines not to have a pretty good idea that there are a lot of beautiful Russian women. Here’s a bit of an article in slate by Anne Applebaum for those who doubt this:

Where Did All Those Gorgeous Russians Come From?

There was a particular historical moment, round about 1995 or so, when anyone entering a well-appointed drawing room, dining room, or restaurant in London was sure to encounter a beautiful Russian woman. Though the word beautiful doesn’t really capture the phenomenon. The women I’m remembering were extraordinarily, unbelievably, stunningly gorgeous.

http://www.slate.com/id/2182947/

A great many attractive Russian women would like to get married to guys outside Russia. For an interesting movie concerning this, take a look at “Two Brothers and a Bride”. The question is, should you consider dating/marrying one of these women?

When confronted with this topic, American women will, almost to a woman, really, really hate this idea. If you even bring it up in front of one of them, you will usually get one or all of the following responses:

1. The Russian women are only in this to get to the US. They will treat you badly, divorce you, slip you a mickey and cut out one of your kidneys to sell it on the black market, etc.

2. You must want to control one of these docile women. Note that responses one and two here are mutually exclusive. Either the Russian woman is conniving and ruthless or she is a passive victim; she’s unlikely to be both.

3. You must be such a loser that American women wouldn’t date you so you have to get a Russian woman.

As evidence for argument number one, they sometimes point to Lorena Bobbit and some friend of a friend who married a Russian girl. And they often issue a blanket generalization about Russian women (generally without ever having known one).

I’m familiar with these responses because one of my friends dated Russian girls he met online. I would occasionally mention the subject to female acquiantences. That is a mistake I no longer make. In fact, bringing this up to the vast majority of American women is very much like saying to a United Auto Worker’s Union guy, “How about those Honda Accords? They last forever and almost never break down!”

The Top Five Unsexiest Women Alive

A few months ago, Maxim Magazine came out with a list of unsexy women. In case you missed this, I’ll give you the top five in reverse order:

5) Britney Spears - I may have been in the minority, but I saw this one coming more than a few years ago. Even when she was the flavor of month Disney darling, I could tell that this Louisiana born and bred piece of trailer trash would become a universal eyesore.

4) Madonna - I’ve heard her described as looking like William Defoe suffering from heat flashes. There’s no way I can top that.

3) Sandra Oh - Annually gets my vote as the ugliest lifeform on TV. To describe her as painfully brutal to look at would be a gross understatement. The only way I would fuck this circus freak is if I had to choose between her and…

2) Amy Winehouse - If anyone looks like a scientific experiment gone wrong, it is complete waste of human tissue. I would rather have a rabid wolverine mangle my nutsack than spent an intimate night with this crack whore. In fact, I’ll volunteer to hold the wolverine myself.

Which leads me to the number 1 unsexiest woman on Maxim’s list…

1) Sarah Jessica Parker.

Sarah Jessica Parker? Are you kidding me? What is so unsexy about her. She wears a size 0, for crying out loud. And a size 0 is definitely sexier than a size 2. (Of course a size 2 is definitely sexier than a size 4.) If they were going to pick someone, why didn’t they select some bloated size 8 wearing farm animal?

 I can think of plenty of seahags more deserving of the number 1 position. Rosie O’Donnell would be a good start. How about Renee Zellweger? What is your opinion?

Great Site

Here is a great new website: the 50 hottest female athletes.  Here’s a sample, of a swimmer I had never heard of:

http://www.popcrunch.com/the-50-hottest-women-of-sports-1-10/

The site also has a rundown of the colleges with the hottest girls.  They’re all in the sunbelt (Ariz. St., USC, FL St., U of F., etc.).  So if there are any teenage guys reading this, don’t pay so much attention to the US News and World Report annual rankings of colleges.  This ranking is way more helpful.

http://www.popcrunch.com/hottest-student-bodies-top-50-universities-ranked-by-looks/

Paul McCartney Isn’t The Only Guy A Court Stole Money From

With all the news about Heather Mills using the English court system to extract millions of dollars from Paul McCartney, I came across another case, right here in the US, where a woman used the courts to get a vast amount of money from a guy:

The former wife of billionaire Kirk Kerkorian has admitted the four-year-old girl for whom he is being asked to pay more than US$320,000 a month in support is not his child and she faked DNA tests…

She added she got saliva for the DNA test from one of his daughters.

Ms. Bonder Kerkorian has demanded a record US$3.8-million a year in child support…

He has been paying US$50,000-US$75,000 a month in child support since Kira was born.

http://fact.on.ca/news/news0203/np020326.htm

No child needs $3.8MM for its support.  In fact, no child needs the $600-800,000 this guy was paying in child support.  This level of child support is mommy support, at obscenely luxurious levels.

Another interesting twist to the story is that the actual father may well be another billionaire with whom this woman had an affair. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2002/05/16/wbing16.xml

This woman is a whore who plays in a much higher league than even a $5,000/hour call girl.  And at least the call girl has the moral superiority ofmerely having provided a service at an agreed-upon price.  This wife just used the court system to extract big money from her ex-husband.  And committed fraud to do it.

Lots of other warnings about internet dating

This is a followup to Mr. Practical’s recent post: No. 1 Rule about Internet dating, in which he mentioned that if a girl posts only a pic of her face, then she’s fat.  I myself have fallen prey to that technique, most notably when I went out with a woman who said she was a former model and whose profile was a tight shot of her face, which didn’t appear to be the face of a fat woman.   Sadly, she had put on quite a bit of weight since her modeling days.  Just as an aside, the savy internet dater will try to find out where the woman did modeling.  A Lane Bryant model will be fat (for those fortunate guys who aren’t familiar with Lane Bryant - it’s a store where fat women buy clothes).

I thought I would pass along a number of other ways in which a woman’s profile can be deceiving as to her appearance.  The most common practice seems to be interposing some object between the camera and her body.  The woman will to to be artful rather than obvious about this.  She will stand behind a doric column, for example, like she’s having a fun vacation touring Greek ruins. 

My favorite way to hide appearance is to post a pic from a ski resort.  This will cover her nearly entirely, from  head to toe, leaving only a few patches of cheek and forehead exposed (much like a Moslem burka).  She thinks this pic will show her sporty, ourdoorsy, dynamic side, in addition to hiding her girth.

There are also the old standbys, including matching her clothes to the photo background.  When you’re looking at a chick wearing a dark top, against a dark background, you can’t tell where the background stops and her bulky upper arms start.

Some women post pics of themselves from years ago, before they became fat.  A year ago I went out with a woman who had a great picture.  On the phone she said that she was a former model now owned a modeling agency.  Of course, I arranged to meet her.  When she showed up I absoltely did  not recognize her.  I don’t know if the pic she posted was even of herself, but if it was her then she had aged two or three decades since it was taken.  

She looked like a sixty year old woman (and not a Farrah Fawcett-like sixty year old woman).  She even had the osteoporosis and thick ankles women sometimes get in their sixties. 

Also, never rely on the body-build self-descriptions in profiles.  Some women are accurate, but many, many are not.  The self-description average, for example, may mean actually average.  But a woman might also use it to describe herself when she is actually 5′3″ and weighs 170 pounds (note to our Michigan readers: this may actually be average for 40 year old women in Michigan).

Learn from our experience instead of making the same mistakes we made. 

Rule #1 About Meeting Women on the Internet

My buddy Bill and I were talking the other day, and we kind of figured something out. You see, we are both on MySpace, and he’s done some dating websites before, so we’ve obviously had many chances to look over thousands of women’s profiles over the years. In all this time we have learned one very valuable lesson:

If a girl posts picture after picture after picture of nothing but her face…

…she’s fat.

This rule is right 100% of the time. How do I know this? It’s simple. If a girl has a rocking body, she’ll want to show it off. If she has an average body, she’ll still want show pictures of herself in clothes that flatter her. But if she’s fat, well hell, no one wants to see that, so she won’t show it.

Just another tip for you, fellas.

 

Who’s the Bigger Whore?

Ashley Alexandra Dupre: The prostitute who charged former New York governor Eliot Spitzer $4,000 for discrete trysts, or

 

Heather Mills: Who somehow “earned” $48.6 million by being married to Sir Paul McCartney for four years?

 

I really want someone to explain to me how they are different.

A Picture That Needs No Caption

The Three Jessicas

I would like to follow up on the Ginger vs. Mary Ann post. I understand that today’s version involves the three Jessicas.

Jessica Alba.

Jessica Biel.

Jessica Simpson.

Who would you pick? Although all three would rate very low on Mr. Sensitive’s scale, my selection would be Jessica Alba.

…now if you want to discuss Heather Locklear vs. Heather Thomas.

Marriage vs. Prostitution

I guess that I need to throw my two cents on the Eliot Spitzer affair (pun intended). I’ve never been a big fan of marriage. In fact, I’m convinced that it is nothing more than male slavery (more on that in a later post). But look at it from poor Eliot’s side. He wakes up every morning next to that same plain looking block of wood also known as his wife. You might have seen her standing next to Eliot looking like a hurt puppy while he apologizes for his misdeeds. But think about it for a minute. Could you really see her as someone who straps her freak on in the bedroom?

Didn’t think so.

So Eliot wants a little excitement in his life. He’s tired of looking at the same ragged dishtowel that used to be the hot young babe he fell in love with so long ago. You know that ploy that women use to trap men into marriage. Long, flowing hair. Make up that is perfectly applied. A body that is slender and athletic looking. Wild monkey sex on numerous occasions throughout the week.

Now?

Hair that is short and easy to manage (when she decides to do something with it). Little or no make up which exposes the imperfections, creases, winkles, etc. Ten to fifteen pounds that gets strapped to her ass and thighs every year.

And sex?

Maybe on your birthday.

When she’s in the mood.

Poor Eliot didn’t have a choice. His wife pushed him off that cliff.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m convinced that most married men will cheat on their wives if there is absolutely no chance that they’ll get caught. We can’t help it. It is our divine right to plant our seed in fertile ground. We must have sex otherwise our heads will implode. This basic concept is part of our DNA. Who are you to argue with the evolutionary process?

Eliot did what any normal man (with a shitload of money) would have done under the same circumstances. He just got caught. And every single guy across this country had the exact same thought about Kristin…

…damn she’s hot.