The Status of Women

The United Nations Division for the Advancement of Women held its 52^nd session of the Commission of the Status of Women in New York earlier this month. I imagine a lot of money was spent to discern the status of females, when all they really had to do was ask Mr. Practical. Here is a convenient guide to the status of women:

1. If they are smoking hot and single: They are doing great. They never pay for a drink or a meal. They can have sex whenever they want it. They will most likely hold out and marry into wealth.

2. If they are hot and married: Even better than above, because now they can also eat anything they want and participate in Ass Expansion.

3. If they are fat and married: Even better than above, because they also have the benefit of making their husbands miserable. They actually have the power to make a man beg for sex from a disgusting whale of a woman.

4. If they are fat and single: Not doing so well. Most likely dating occasionally employed losers.  Should’ve waited for marriage before you blew up like an inflatable life raft, missy.

See how easy that was? From now on the UN should just contact me.

Are You Serious?!

Clinic wants to be ’snip city’ at NCAA tourney time

• Story Highlights
• Clinic promoting vasectomies just before NCAA basketball tournament
• Surgery usually requires a couple of days off your feet for recuperation
• Clinic’s ads also promise “recovery kit” of sports magazines, free pizza delivery

SPRINGFIELD, Oregon (AP) – For guys who park in front of the TV during college basketball’s March Madness, the Oregon Urology Institute has a suggestion: Why not use that time to recover from a vasectomy?

“When March Madness approaches you need an excuse … to stay at home in front of the big screen,” the clinic’s radio ad says. “Get your vasectomy at Oregon Urology Institute the day before the tournament starts. It’s snip city.”

Institute Administrator Terry FitzPatrick said men need two to four days to recover from the procedure — but not all take the time.

He’s reserved a dozen appointment slots for March 19, the day before the first tipoffs of the NCAA Tournament, and another dozen for March 26, before the tournament’s second week.

He reported filling 15 slots by Thursday afternoon and expects to fill all 24.

The sports radio station broadcasting the clinic’s ads promises to send each patient a recovery kit of sports magazines, free pizza delivery and a bag of frozen peas.

Peas?

“The frozen peas are malleable enough that you can get them right in there and get the swelling down,” FitzPatrick said.

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Would you like to bet that a few of those slots were filled by wives who didn’t bother to discuss it with their husbands beforehand? (Surprise!)

Let’s get one thing straight. It is the woman’s responsibility to make sure that no more children occur in a relationship. It doesn’t matter if the relationship involves marriage, living together, one night stands, whatever. It is her responsibility…period. End of discussion.

Why should a guy turn himself into a inoperable tool just to keep the peace at home? If you want to have kids…fine. If you want to cease the ability to have any more kids…even better. But mangling a man’s privates is not the answer.

So what is the answer you might ask?

Immediately after childbirth.

It’s the perfect scenario. She’s already on the table. Exposed. Gapping. She’ll be too tired to put up much of a fight. Just slip the doctor an extra $20.00. Problem solved.

Now go enjoy the NCAA Tournament.

Advice to Husbands: if you want peace, let your wife have her way

Reuters Link

An interesting new study has been performed by researchers at Iowa State University. An important finding was the key to marital happiness was to let the wife her way.

A Reuters story about the study gives a good rundown. The story:

“…has proven what many happy couples know — the wife runs the roost at home and the husband is happy to let her.

A team of researchers from Iowa State University studied 72 couples and found that the wife’s view on how to solve problems within the marriage or the home took precedence over the husband’s opinion and he was happy to accept that.

“The women were communicating more powerful messages and men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in,” Associate Professor of Psychology David Vogel, one of the leaders of the study, said in a statement.

…

“The study at least suggests that the marriage is a place where women can exert some power,” said Vogel.”

I think most husbands could have intuitively said the same thing, but it’s interesting to see the anecdotal evidence confirmed by more scientific evidence.

This should serve as a warning and a guide to newlyweds.

Another Day, Another Politician Gets Busted

News broke today that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has admitted to being involved with a prostitution ring. The leader of Republicans in the state assembly, James Tedisco, issued a statement demanding that Spitzer, a Democrat, resign. “He has disgraced his office and the entire state of New York,” Tedisco said.

This really cracks me up. I am certain there are hundreds of politicians right now calling for his resignation publicly, while privately breathing a sigh of relief that it wasn’t them that got popped. You just know a very high percentage of politicians partake in this same extramarital activity.

Okay, he IS married, so he shouldn’t have been dipping his pen in some very expensive ink. But I have one question that has never been satisfactorily answered: Why can’t I, as a single man, legally purchase the services of a prostitute? If there is a willing buyer and a willing seller and both are consenting adults, why does our government tell us we can’t partake in such a transaction?

Especially when the use of prostitutes is probably less expensive than, you know, a relationship.