I Want My Five Years!
Posted by Mr. Practical on March 12, 2008
I told my good friend Brad, who’s happily married, about this girl I knew that seemed to be really into me, had a lot of fantastic qualities that I really like, but was fat. I shared with him that despite all the great things about her, I just couldn’t deal with having a fat wife, mainly because I’d never want to have sex. His response surprised me.
“Dude, just marry her,” he said. “Look, you only get five good years out of any girl you marry before they get fat. If you found yourself a great girl, just forget about the five years and marry the fatty.”
I basically told him he could shove his idea up his ass. First off, he’s married to a gorgeous Swedish girl who’s birthed two children for him and still has the body of tennis player. Secondly, if five years is all I can get…
..then I WANT MY FIVE YEARS!
March 12, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Find someone who gets five years from an American girl. Then we’ll talk.
March 12, 2008 at 9:35 pm
I read in your “about” page that you are already in your thirties. I think you need to reassess your attitude towards women and maybe you’ll understand why you are still single!
March 13, 2008 at 12:06 am
Haha I was married for 12 years, had 3 kids and I am not fat. I weigh 110 pounds. Look at the woman’s arms if they are big, she is gonna get fat after having kids.
March 13, 2008 at 7:54 am
Hmmmm your single i take it??? well keep that attitude up and you will stay that way. You are a sexiest pig!
March 13, 2008 at 7:57 am
I’m the “Sexiest pig”? I think that is a compliment. Thanks!
March 13, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Skinnyminnie has a good point. Look at features such as wrists, ankles, and collarbones, as well as general body type.
Of course, there is genetics to take into consideration. Look at the woman’s relatives, especially her mother.
When I was six years old I liked a girl in my first-grade class. My father asked me how I could tell what a woman was going to look like in 25 or 30 years. Of course, I said no. He replied, “Look at her mother.” This was a bit cruel to me because the girl’s mother was fat. But I still remember the story, and the lesson (which isn’t always true, by the way).
Some women stay slender for their entire lives. I wish there were a reliable predictor of which had a propensity to get fat. Just think if a cheek swab test were invented. Could you imagine a guy asking for a cheek swab from his girlfriend?
Some people on this blog (not naming names) might well ask for a cheek swab before the first date :-).