The Top Five Unsexiest Women Alive
Posted by Mr. Sensitive on March 27, 2008
A few months ago, Maxim Magazine came out with a list of unsexy women. In case you missed this, I’ll give you the top five in reverse order:
5) Britney Spears - I may have been in the minority, but I saw this one coming more than a few years ago. Even when she was the flavor of month Disney darling, I could tell that this Louisiana born and bred piece of trailer trash would become a universal eyesore.
4) Madonna - I’ve heard her described as looking like William Defoe suffering from heat flashes. There’s no way I can top that.
3) Sandra Oh - Annually gets my vote as the ugliest lifeform on TV. To describe her as painfully brutal to look at would be a gross understatement. The only way I would fuck this circus freak is if I had to choose between her and…
2) Amy Winehouse - If anyone looks like a scientific experiment gone wrong, it is complete waste of human tissue. I would rather have a rabid wolverine mangle my nutsack than spent an intimate night with this crack whore. In fact, I’ll volunteer to hold the wolverine myself.
Which leads me to the number 1 unsexiest woman on Maxim’s list…
1) Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sarah Jessica Parker? Are you kidding me? What is so unsexy about her. She wears a size 0, for crying out loud. And a size 0 is definitely sexier than a size 2. (Of course a size 2 is definitely sexier than a size 4.) If they were going to pick someone, why didn’t they select some bloated size 8 wearing farm animal?
I can think of plenty of seahags more deserving of the number 1 position. Rosie O’Donnell would be a good start. How about Renee Zellweger? What is your opinion?
March 27, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Are you kidding me? Sure, fat is not that attractive, but you can’t seriously tell me SJP isn’t the most disgustingly masculine middle-aged woman deserving Maxim’s top rank?
March 27, 2008 at 9:38 pm
I’d do SJP. She’s got a rockin’ little bod and always wears heels.
My number one unsexy chick is Lindsey Lohan. To me, she was unattractive before she became a rehab-visiting skank. Now she’s a flat-out train wreck.
Curiously, I think another train-wreck, Paris Hilton, is hot.
March 27, 2008 at 9:39 pm
By the way, funny blog Mr. Sensitive!
March 28, 2008 at 12:01 pm
I too would do Sarah Jessica Parker. She’s a terrific hardbody.
I can’t imagine Maxim put her on its list of unsexy women. Mr. Sensitive is correct: that list should be reserved for repulsive women such as Rosie O’Donnell. Rosie’s lardass merits filling two spots on the list, in much the same way that Southwest Airlines makes hugely obese people buy two tickets (bc they take up twice the room as regular passengers).
March 28, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Yeah but Rosie’s a given, plus i’m not entirely sure she’s a female. Agreed Mr. Practical - Lindsay is all nasty.
March 28, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Rosie may be a given, but one man’s poison is another man’s pleasure. Who would be in your top five?
Mine would have to include Sandra Bernhard, Julia Roberts, Condoleeza Rice and Whoopi Goldberg.
…maybe Renee Zellweger and the Olsen Twins.
Oh hell, let’s throw in Carrot Top since I’m not exactly sure what that thing is.
March 29, 2008 at 7:07 pm
5. America Ferrera, because even though she’s not as ugly as Betty, she’s still pretty nasty.
4. Ellen Degeneres
3. Fergie (singer and royalty). Even though Singer Fergie has got a rockin body, her face is a train wreck, and Royalty Fergie is simply just a train wreck.
2. Margaret Thatcher
1. Sandra Bernhard. Sorry to steal, but you’re just so right.