Can you get married and avoid being poor?

This is in response to a friend of mine who wondered how he could have a relationship with a woman and not run the risk of becoming impoverished by paying half or more of his income in alimony and child support after the relationship ends.  I worked out a few options, but I’d be happy if readers could think of more. 

1. don’t get married or have kids.  Since few women will consent to a long relationship unless you get married and have kids, this method seldom works, or works only short-term. 

2. get married or have kids only with a woman who makes at least as much as you do and who is irrevocably committed to continuing that career that enables her to make that kind of money (and who will resist the powerful urge to quit work after having the kid to stay home with the kid).  Remember: when she quits work, you have to bring in more money to take up the slack, even after you’re divorced.  You have know accustomed her to a lifestyle where she doesn’t have to work and you will have to pay for that lifestyle for some years to come (in addition to your own modest household).

3. Live in a state or a county (believe it or not there is quite a bit of variance from county to county in the same state) that isn’t as lavish at dispensing your money.  This will protect you somewhat.  It will, let’s say, allow you to live in a modest house rather than a tiny apartment, a YMCA, a spare bedroom in your parents house, or a homeless shelter.  

4. Date or marry a woman who gets a big payout from her ex-husband and can afford to pay her way, or even subsidize you.A variant of this is to marry a woman who earns a lot of money in her own right.  I understand such women exist, but they must be extremely few in number. 

5. Earn under-the-table income that neither the IRS nor your ex-wife can prove.  Note: she gets to look at your tax returns until your kids reach age of majority, which could be 18, but is increasingly 21 or even later, until they get out of college. 

6. Regularly increase your income and hope she doesn’t think to go back to court to get an increasing payout from you. Remember, every time you get a raise, she can get a raise.  

7. Leave the country.