It’s a violation of first-date etiquette to tell your date you want to tie him up

Articles about dating often contain advice on such questions as do you kiss goodnight or merely part with a brief hug on the first date.  Opinions seem to vary on this topic, so I don’t think it rises to a dating etiquette rule.  But I’m pretty sure it’s a violation of dating etiquette to ask your date whether you can tie him (or her) up on the first date.

Last year I was matched with a woman using an online dating service.  It was one of those services that matched couples up itself rather than letting users browse and email those people who interested them.  After several less-than-happy first dates I was excited.  This woman seemed so normal.  I know that doesn’t sound like high praise, but after a bit of a streak dating women who didn’t seem so normal, encountering someone normal was cause for joy.

She seemed completely normal and friendly over the phone.  She had a good job that required regular interacting with a lots of professional people.  In fact, having a presentable appearance and a good personality are job requirements in that field.   In addition, she coached cheerleaders in her spare time.

We made a date for dinner.  We met at the restaurant, had a great dinner with good wine and fun conversation.  We enjoyed it so much that we walked to a nearby martini bar.  Things continued to go very well.  We spent some time there and then left.   The drinks had lowered her inhibitions.  We left the bar and found our way to a park bench, where we kissed.

Then she looked me in the eye and posed a question that took me by surprise.  She asked, “are you dominant or submissive?”  I answered “dominant”.   She repeated the question, and told me she wanted to tie me up. 

I was not comfortable being tied up, and even less comfortable being tied up by someone I had met only a few hours before (notwithstanding her pleasant and cheerful mien), so I politely told her no.  Things got a little less happy after that, but we continued to talk.  She asked what happened when two dominants got together.  I responded that I didn’t know. 

We parted company and never saw each other again.