Really, Truly, Totally Single
Posted by Mr. Practical on May 27, 2008
I like to claim that I’ve been single for like five years now, but that is not entirely true. In fact, since my last exclusive relationship ended 60 months ago, I’ve basically almost always had someone I could either call or hang out with, and most likely have sex with as well.
That is certainly not the case right now. The last of my female friends to which I had kept up some form of communication had tired of waiting for me and got herself a boyfriend. It sucks and it doesn’t. Part of me is pissed and jealous and, I’ll admit it, hurt. But another more logical part of me remembers that, hey, I wasn’t all that into her in the first place.
I’m beginning to wonder if I could ever be into anyone anymore. Or if I ever could in the first place. I don’t remember being head-over-heels since high school, and I imagine that really doesn’t count. So does this mean I lack the capability of falling in love? Will I never ever feel “gaga” over a chick?
I tell you, I was feeling a little gaga a few weeks ago when I saw a stunning girl in the bookstore. Dark blonde, nice tan, and a tight body…all a man could want. Problem: she couldn’t have been more than 19 or 20 years old. I hate that. I hate it because I could never have it. Really. I mean, I’m a good-looking guy with a lot to offer, but I am past 35 now. Even if all the planets aligned and she was attracted to older guys and we somehow decided to give a relationship a try…then what? What would we talk about? Britney Spears?
You are probably reading this and saying, “People don’t talk about Britney anymore, you dumb ass. They talk about blah blah blah…” And that is just my point. I have no idea what young people talk about anymore. Talking to a 21-year old girl for any length of time would cause me to put my head in an oven.
So, that leaves me looking for a girl in her late twenties or early thirties that is still attractive, still in good physical shape, still is fun-loving, is not jaded by a bad marriage or bad relationship, of reasonable intelligence, and has good morals and a great sense of humor.
Wish me luck on that.
May 28, 2008 at 8:36 am
I recently met a girl who would probably be perfect for you. She’s in her early twenties, gorgeous, very intelligent, has a lot on the ball, and seems nice. Unfortunately, she’s dating a guy who is also in his early twenties.
I think you are absolutely correct about your slim chance of finding an ultrahot 21 year old who would love to go out with you. Timing is everything. You waited too late to secure a hot 21 year old.
You have identified a next best thing: the hot girl in her late twenties or early thirties. The problem here is that almost all of those women in that age range that you would likely be happy with are already taken, either married, engaged, or seriously dating someone. Hot girls in their late twenties/early thirties are in considerable demand.
You should try to find one who is in between relationships. Unfortunately, girls in such demand are between relationships for approximately 17 days, on average. You will therefore have to acquire a vast intelligence network to keep on many hot girls in your area. As soon as they break up with their boyfriends, you must be notified and must spring into action before some other guy’s network informs him on her availability.
Sadly, it gets harder and harder the older you get to find an available woman who is very attractive, nice, doesn’t have massive bad habits, and is not jaded by past relationships. Those women are taken, and the guys who are with them aren’t usually stupid enough to lose them.
May 28, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Awwwe you should have chatted her up. Yes, she’s younger but so what. My fiance is more than twice my age and we’ve been together for two years. We talk about TONS of things and he’s always impressed when I’m more than knowledgeable on the issues that concern his generation. That young woman could have been an old soul like me for all you know. Next time that happens give her a chance