Research has revealed the 11 secrets of attracting women

 An interesting article in the UK Times discusses the results of a two-year psychological study on the subject of attraction recently published in “Evolutionary Psychology”.

This research concluded that the key to success, for men, is a certain type of wit: self-deprecation. The anthropologist behind the research, was quoted in The Observer, explaining: “The frequent use of self-deprecating humour in sexual context – with potential mates, established mates or sexual rivals – was astonishing … people who used this humour were considered to be more desirable as mates.”  

But the researcher added that if you are not a high-status guy then this self-deprecating humor will backfire.  If you’re rich, charming, and great-looking, self-deprecating humor just means you aren’t egotistical.  The woman can easily see that you have all these qualities.  But if you have none of these qualities, then it just reinforces the fact that you aren’t worth dating.

And now for what you read this post for: the author’s summary of what the research reveals a guy needs to succeed with women.  The article is so good I’ll just quote it:

In other words, to impress, men need to be hugely successful, but pretend that they are not. And this is only one aspect of the almost impossible balance that needs to be struck. Men need to convey sexual desire without sexualising the person in front of them, need to be authoritative, opening doors, paying bills, deciding where to go and so on (recent research found that 60 per cent of women would consider it a bad first date if they paid), yet treat women as absolute equals. They need to flatter without seeming overly impressed, they need to care about their appearance (but not too much), and when it comes to chatting up, they need to take the initiative, and absorb any humiliation that comes their way, without seeming at all arrogant or pushy.

In short, the early stages of hooking up are more fraught with potential disaster than a stroll through the streets of Kandahar, more political than an episode of Question Time, more unpredictable than Gordon Ramsay on ketamine. It’s no surprise that so many men are rendered incoherent and imbecilic by the pressure of it all – and truly some kind of miracle that any relationship manages to begin at all.

I wholeheartedly agree with his last conclusion: it’s a wonder any relationships ever manage to begin.

I think Commenter Kris (by all means read the comments below the article) has a good explanation for much of the difficulty.  He says that women have so many choices that what should be an easy-going talk over a glass of wine has been converted into a job interview.   Most desireable  women insist that a guy meet all of their 23 bullet point list.  If they find during this “job interview” that the guy doesn’t meet points 12, 17, and 22, they will go back to their computers and bring up another batch of hopefuls.  With men heavily outnumbering women on internet dating sites, they always have a surplus of guys wanting to meet them. 

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/article4846940.ece