I Can’t Blame John Edwards

I’ve spent the past week trying to decide whether I want to weigh in on the John Edwards affair with Rielle Hunter.

I mean…another politician gets caught in an affair with another woman. He asks for forgiveness while his poor wife stands beside him in a laughable sign of unity. And my initial response is always the same…

BULLSHIT!!!

Let’s have a moment of truth, shall we?

There are two types of married men:

1) Those who cheat on their wives, and

2) Those who think about cheating on their wives.

And every single married guy will ask himself the same question before crossing that line into adultery…

…will I get caught?

You know Johnny Boy asked himself that very question. And you have to admit that Rielle looks pretty good for a chick in her 40s.

So John’s decision came down to this…

…be faithful to my plain jane wife at home or bang this vibrant blonde.

I think the decision is easy. Don’t you?

Will I get caught?

I imagine Johnny Boy will do a better job of checking the birth control angle before he decides to strap his freak on.

In the meantime, he can rub this episode in the face of a certain conservative commentator who happened to question his sexuality a few months ago (and also happens to be a hot looking babe).

So John Edwards…step up to the podium and tell Ann Coulter to go $%&^# herself.

Someone Explain This to Me

I have made a special effort not to watch one single second of the Olympics this year.

Why you might ask?

Because I am completely sick of commercialized events that are over populated by self absorbed athletes who are more concerned with grabbing every dollar within reach while forgetting the true meaning of the Olympic spirit. (Go ahead…call Mr. Sensitive old fashioned).

Anyway, I ran across a story about this Paraguayan chick who has become the heartthrob of this Olympiad. Her name is Leryn Franco and she competed in a javelin competition (in fact, she finished next last a couple day ago). I was able to locate a picture of her and my first thought was…

…Are you shitting me?!

Now granted…when it comes to women, I have two criteria:

1) Hot blondes

2) Fat chicks

In fact, I firmly believe that dark hair adds twenty pounds to a woman ass.

But if this is your thing…more power to you. That leaves more thin blondes for me.

Thanks!

Hot Eastern European Woman

Roissy posts a video of a hot Eastern European tv reporter getting a slight wound and going back to do her story, and draws some lessons from the episode:

“You surmise, correctly, that given her grace under pressure after getting shot she has the strength of character to sacrifice for her children and perform her domestic duties without whining or running to a divorce lawyer at the first sign of her husband not ‘meeting her needs’.

How can the modern American woman possibly compete against this? Answer: She can’t. Which is why cuntastic femicunts are feeling the heat and worked hard behind the scenes and out of the public eye to pass into law the misandrist International Marriage Broker Regulation Act, designed to make it more difficult for an American man to meet a foreign woman with a more feminine and pleasant disposition than the average American woman.

I hope American men are reading this and absorbing the lesson. Flights to East Europe are always available. You know what to do. So… what’s stopping you?”

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2008/08/14/how-not-to-be-an-american-woman

Have You Ever Noticed…

…that women who are strongly opposed to pornography aren’t ones whom men want to have sex with in the first place?

The Reese Witherspoon Rules

…although I guess a better title would be “I Have The Pussy, Therefore I Get To Make The Rules”.

I’m not sure whether you’ve seen this, but there’s been this story making the rounds regarding Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal (you might know his visually offensive sister as being the lone negative to The Dark Knight which came out last week). Anyway, it appears that this happy couple has decided to live together with her two children.

One catch…

Reese has decide to impose a strict list of rules that Jake must live by if he wants to remain in her presence. These rules include:

• He must take off his shoes whenever he is in the house.
• The trash must be taking out when the can is three-quarters full.
• There will be no feet on the coffee table.
• The family will have daily discussion at the dinner table.
• No cursing is allowed.

Now I realize that these seem rather mundane, but here is the kicker…

Under no circumstances will plans be made without consulting the other.

Meaning poor Jake basically has to ask for permission before he gets to do anything. Now I have to ask…

Is any pussy worth that?!

Now I understand that relationships involve a series of give and take (mostly the men doing the giving and the women responsible for the taking), but to impose this type of list seems rather one sided. I could understand if this involved an incredibly hot woman, but REESE WITHERSPOON!!!

Now once poor Mr. Gyllenhaal agreed to these terms, his balls basically detached themselves from their cozy nutsack and rolled down each leg of his pants. He has willingly reduced himself to being nothing more than a lowly housepet who can’t take a shit without getting permission from his slave master.

If you’re going to put yourself in that position, why not just get married?

Women in bikinis make guys want immediate gratification

From the Department of the Obvious.  But it’s nice to have rigorous academic confirmation of what I had always thought.

“Bikini-clad women make men impatient”

“A recent study shows that men who watched sexy videos or handled lingerie sought immediate gratification—even when they were making decisions about money, soda, and candy.”

Hat tip: http://newmarksdoor.typepad.com/mainblog/2008/06/bikini-clad-w-1.html

What’s wrong with a lesbian kiss?

It’s a sad day when two lesbians are ordered to stop kissing.  This happened recently at a Seattle Mariners game:

Sirbrina Guerrero and her date were approached in the third inning by an usher who told them their kissing was inappropriate, Guerrero said.

The usher, Guerrero said, told them he had received a complaint from a woman nearby …

Note that it was a woman who complained.  I’m guessing that way more women than men would be offended at this.  Why is that?  A female friend of mine once told me that my not being uncomfortable around gay guys meant I was secure in my masculinity or some sort of pop psychology theory.   She claimed likewise to see nothing wrong with homosexuality.  A few weeks later we were having a picnic in a park and I looked over and saw two girls making out about 50 yards away.  I pointed this out to my friend and she reacted with disgust.  I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have reacted with disgust if it had been two guys.

Here’s a picture of one of the girls.  I’d like to see her kissing another girl:

Full story here: http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D9142SUG1&show_article=1&image=large

Allergic to semen!

That Saddity Chick relates an interesting story on her blog:

I’ll let you all in on a little secret.  A few years ago I was seeing this man.  For almost a year I put off having sex with him.  I couldn’t explain why but my body was just like “nu-uh don’t do it girl”.  He was attractive, fun, attentive, just an all around great guy.  Finally after not listening to my gut feeling I slept with him.  The next morning my vajayjay was on fire!  I thought he had given me an STD.  Turns out I was allergic to his semen! 

http://thatsadditychic.wordpress.com/

I had no idea that a guy’s semen could generate an allergic reaction.  But her post caused me to wonder about something else: is it common for a woman to be dating a guy for almost a year without having sex with him?

Why are there so many Vietnamese manicurists in the US?

Jennifer Anniston’s High School Prom Pics

Take a look at this pic from Jennifer Anniston’s high school prom.  

She got way better looking with age.  No doubt some of you will complain that the improvement was due entirely to great makeup artists, hair stylists, and digital enhancement of her photos, but I seriously doubt her remarkable improvement can be entirely attributed to those things.

The biggest single improvement seems to be her hair, which is terrific now but styled back then in an incredibly unattractive way.  On this point, I’m always amazed at the number of women who get their hair styled in ways that conform to current fashion, but make them look unattractive.  The same can be said of clothes and shoes, but it’s doubly true for hairstyles.

Here’s a link to more pics from her prom:

http://celebglitz.com/34950/Jennifer-Aniston/jennifer-anistons-high-school-prom-pictures.aspx